Saturday 7 January 2017

How I bought myself a resume

[I wrote this in the final few months of my degree.]

My decision to strip my way through my degree has by far been the smartest thing I have done in my adult life.

I started university with a modest amount of debt. Not the smartest thing, but I had decided that it was time to stop procrastinating going to university and just do it.  I lived far below the poverty line as I tried to survive on government assistance and manage my monthly payments, and most weeks I relied on my friends for meals while I ate rice cakes at university. Eventually, I'd had enough, and asked my friend in the industry if I could give it a go.

In my first night, I made the same as a fortnight of student assistance. Within a month, I had paid off my debt and put away enough money that I didn't need to work the next month (stripping is a seasonal job, and I had been told the next month would not be worth working). It took me eight months, a burn out, a holiday and a level up in fitness and makeup skills to become a reasonably 'good' stripper. But even when times were tough and I wasn't making much money due to burn out, being a stripper was still a better option than getting a regular job.

Now, as I'm approaching the end of my degree, I'm starting to understand just how much stripping has done for me. First, it has allowed me to afford getting to my placements. Some of which are on the other side of the state and require travel and accommodation I could not have afforded before. Whenever it's exam time, I stop going to work and study, because I can - and it shows in my marks. I've had numerous overseas trips, and on some of these trips, I've used my spare time to ride along with other ambulance services and do volunteer work. I regularly travel to and attend conferences, some of which are way outside of what a student could normally afford, and as a result I have started networking within the industry. I have also become involved in other university related activities simply because I can afford and choose to take the time. This is all on top of the general improvement in my quality of life - being able to afford to go to the dentist, and shoes without holes in them. I still live in the same cheap student house, but I'm aiming to finish university with a modest amount of savings in my account.

In short, stripping has allowed me to buy myself an amazing resume. It's a resume I have worked hard for and earned, but it would not otherwise have been attainable unless I came from a wealthy family (which I don't). As well as gaining an amazing resume, it's also been an amazing few years! I have traveled, I have learned, I've put my foot in my mouth a few times, but I have definitely grown.

I have to acknowledge that this job has changed me and taken an emotional toll.
Not the same emotional toll I suffered when I worked in an office, where I was slowly ground into a lifeless shell by endless days of monotony. But it has exhausted my social energy and desire to be in large groups of people. It has also been incredibly draining to remain at least partly in the closet, to have to watch my words and make sure no one I may encounter in a professional situation finds out. After all the work I've put in, negating my amazing resume with the title 'stripper' would be an epic waste. I miss just being able to be authentic around people, and feel a new and greater empathy and kinship for anyone with a closet they feel chained in.

While I happily objectify myself in exchange for money within the confines of a strip club, the blatant sexism I have encountered has changed the way in which I see the world. Naked or not, I expect my decisions and boundaries to be respected, yet I regularly encounter men and women who explain to me why they shouldn't be. And because social conventions are suspended in a strip club, men regularly tell me how they really feel about women. About how women should be submissive to men, how a woman should not have too many sexual partners, why strippers don't deserve basic human respect. I've sat in the laps of men who laugh about beating their wives and sisters, groups of people who 'joke' about raping me. The most common one, however, is men who don't listen to me. They ask me if I'm attracted to them and I say 'no', then they tell me that I am. They tell me I want to date them, when I've already told them to leave me alone. But the most terrifying thing is that they genuinely believe what they say. They believe a 'no' is a 'yes'.

Of course, not everyone is like that. Some of the most lovely and respectful people I've ever met are people I danced for. I've also learned a lot about human interaction, about learning to find the good in everyone, about connecting, and about how lonely people can be. Despite that, the tougher parts of stripping have hardened me. It's taught me that my time is valuable, that my boundaries are worth protecting, and it has taught me not to accept bullshit. As a result, while I'm definitely not a man hating feminazi, I am an ardent feminist. I now call people out on sexist and other bullshit behaviour a lot more than I used to in my personal life. I recently lost a friend because I refused to accept his stance that I should appreciate being verbally harassed on the street as it was a compliment, and that women usually do something to deserve it anyway. Once upon a time, I would have been nice and remained quiet to protect the friendship.

On the whole, I think most of these changes in my have been good. None of these changes would be associated with the feminine ideal of 'nice' or 'pleasant' yet I do consider these to be traits that will allow me to be much more successful in life. Hopefully I can wield them without earning the title 'bitch', which is normally what a woman is labelled when she is assertive like a man (A phenomenon identified in the 60s, recreated in the 80s and appears to continue today Goldberg 1968,Paludi et al 1985,Paludi et al 1983). I suspect that a year or two of not having to deal with [as many] drunk people, loud music, large crowds and derisive stereotypes will see my more social traits return. Maybe one day, I'll enjoy clubbing again. Or perhaps preferring a quiet dinner with a couple of friends and some wine is simply a sign of me leaving my twenties.

What I don't want to do with this post is delegitamise career strippers - women whose career plan IS stripping. I don't want to be a stripper for the rest of my working life, but I have encountered many women in this industry who do. They do it because they love the job, they love the freedom and they love the money. And like people in non-sex industry careers, some of these women are incredibly smart with their money, and some aren't. For those who enter the industry, make lots of money and then leave broke and broken - the industry is not the problem (although it does definitely need an Australian union), their financial habits are.

I know that paramedicine is going to change me, too. I suspect that stripping has prepared me well for the physically and mentally exhausting shifts, for the small things that pile up and get to you until you burn out and have to take time off. I've done placement with a lot of different crews, some of whom obviously love the job and manage the burn-out well, and others who crashed and burned a long time ago, but are now stuck in the profession. These things reflect in how paramedics treat their students, as well as their patients. I can only work to be one of the good ones.

And in the meantime, I'm going to sit in my five star hotel, listen to live music, wait for my plane back to Australia from my latest resume-padding adventure, and thank stripping for giving me the chance to get here.