Thursday 29 January 2015

Sexism and Racism.



Racism & sexism

One of the strange things about Stripperland is that people tell you what they really think. Some combination of alcohol, that they will probably never see you again, entitlement and the fact that you’re a stripper (so they don’t have to respect you) shows you a side of society that can be really depressing. It’s also interesting to work in different clubs and see how different the beliefs of different areas are.
Sexism:
Before being a stripper, I was not too fussed about the word ‘feminist.’ I knew feminism was important, and I certainly worked towards equal opportunities for any gender, and I could describe ways in which sexism had already affected my life. But I didn’t think sexism and misogyny was that bad, except for the occasional old dinosaur who hadn’t got with the picture yet. I also  bought into the 'feminazi' strawman.

And then I started working in strip clubs.

I think the scariest behaviour I commonly encounter in strip clubs is men who don’t listen.
They tell me I’m attracted to them, they tell me I’m wet for them, they shush me when I stop them from breaking the touching rules. Some of them have tried to sexually assault me with fingers and mouths, but they don’t see it as sexual assault. They see it as being intimate, as getting with a girl who wants them, even as I’m there yelling at them that I don’t want them, they can’t do that, and they can fuck right off. I have never been raped or penetrated at work (mostly because I’m on the ball), but I learned from this that most rapists don’t know they’re rapists. These are the same men who roll their eyes when feminists talk about entitlement, who are perfectly normal people most of the time, who’s friends swear black and blue as they get kicked out that he would *NEVER* do that.

Most guys aren’t that bad. I only encounter one or two of them a night. I’m far more likely to encounter more subtle forms of entitlement. For example, men who get angry at me because I don’t want to sit around and talk to them all night when they’re not paying me. These guys come to the strip club to see boobs, but refuse to pay for them. They are literally there to take advantage of our nudity and waste our time. They see that as a successful night. Their excuses include that they’re broke, they can get nudity and sex for free elsewhere, that it’s a waste of money, etc. These are all perfectly valid reasons not to dish out money for luxury entertainment, but expecting me to provide these services for free means that they don’t respect me enough to value my time. I doubt that behaviour would go down well at their work. These men also seem to think it’s perfectly OK to grab a boob or a butt as I walk past or try to talk to them, despite knowing they’ll never pay for it. 
Occasionally, I encounter a combination of the behaviours described above. Sometimes I don’t even have to set eyes on a guy for him to be convinced that I am desperate to fuck him.

And then there’s the little things. The assumptions that make themselves apparent in conversations. That I must be stupid or desperate to do this job, that I have no self-esteem, that I just like easy money. These micro-aggressions are hard to describe, but are like an over exaggerated version of what I get in day to day life as a paramedic. The subtle versions in day to day life are a lot easier to internalise and harder to notice, but they’re there – no matter how much some people want to believe they’re not.
And of course, not every guy who walks into a strip club does these things, because y’know… #notallmen.
Then there are the women. Women are often the worst behaved people in a strip club. They honestly believe that because they are female, the rules don’t apply to them. They touch, then then try to ‘out sexy’ us by dirty dancing with the boys, and then they trash talk us, often in front of our faces. It’s sad, because these women directly teach the men around them that we don’t need to be respected, because we’re strippers.

It has occurred to me that I have traded social status for financial security, although people often overlook how financial security brings a different kind of social status.
Anyway, I rant about sexist stuff all the time. What I actually want to talk about at the moment is racism in Australia.

A funny thing happens in strip clubs. A combination of being well spoken and having to be heard over the music often makes people think we’re English. Being a city girl, if I go and work in a rural club, this becomes very pronounced. I kept tabs on how many people asked me about my accent one night recently. I spoke with approximately 52 people on a Saturday night. 39 of them asked me about my ‘accent.’
I rarely detect any hostility in the question, but their responses when I tell them I was born in Australia are really telling. One of the most common responses is relief and they say things like ‘That’s OK, then’ or ‘Thank God.’ It’s very clear that they like and trust me more because I’m Australian. If that’s not racism, then I’m not sure what is.
I also dance with a lot of girls from around the world. A Gorgeous French girl I work with was telling me about her experiences in Mackay, and how a lot of men wouldn’t talk to her because she wasn’t Australian. This doesn’t seem to be as big a problem in the big cities, where accents and exoticness are often fetishized. Perhaps the city folk just aren’t as racist as the country folk – this would match with my experiences as well as voting data surrounding policies like immigration. I was in a club with her once when she started speaking in French with an English girl, and one of the (very bogan, local) strippers started yelling at her to "Not be rude, speak in fucking English"
Usually I try to make my posts relevant to paramedic practice, and you’re probably reading this going ‘well I’m not a stripper, how is this relevant?’

The thing is that none of this is unusual. People are just more likely to tell you these things to your face in a strip club. As soon as you change the perceived power dynamic, people behave. Society says it’s not acceptable, and those who break these social rules are deviants and weird. But racism just is not weird here, it's surprisingly common. These people are our patients, our society and sometimes, us. And this is how racism and sexism lurk just under the surface, and this is important to know as a paramedic.

And don’t forget, paramedics are people who can also be guilty of this. I definitely see the same forms of racism and sexism in some of the paramedics I have worked with over the years. But they don’t think of themselves that way, they see themselves as people, as proud Australians, as truth tellers, as gentlemen who’s job it is to never hit a woman (I could rant about that line alone for ages. Why can’t it be never hit a person? Or never hit a person who is weaker than you?)
We won’t all like every patient we get, and many of us are inherently unaware of how we might have less trust for someone of a different culture or race, but seriously… I’d like to think paramedics can be better than the behaviour I see in a strip club, even without the professional standards board to keep us in line.

And yes, this is an idealistic view, but that’s no reason to be lazy about it.

Enlightenment



You meet all sorts in a strip club.

Several months ago, I met two brothers in a strip club.
It was their first time, and one of them was very excited for me to perform for him and his brother.
During the dance, I got to chatting. They were both married and having a night out. Their wives didn't know they were at the strip club, as the Mormon faith didn't approve of such things...

Needless to say, I showed them the light!