Whether I'm in my combat boots or stilettos, the nature of both jobs means that people tell me their secrets. I talk with people, I care for them, I'm involved in some of their most private moments, they confide their embarrassing secrets and/or their fantasies. Secrets are hard to write about respectfully, so here are some of the things I’ve been told (that I have reason to believe are true) written in a way that I don't believe will expose anyone's identity. Many of these things I've heard in multiple forms over the years.
“I had prostate cancer 15 years ago and have been unable to get an erection
since then. I’m on the waiting list to get a balloon prosthesis implanted, but
I am too self conscious about it to have a relationship, so I come to the
strippers instead.”
“I was molested as a child and now I’m terrible at relationships.”
“I have erectile dysfunction”
“I suffer from micropenis”
…Yes, I know, a lot of these are about dicks. It would seem that when there's something wrong with them, guys need to find a way to make themselves feel better. But sometimes, someone busts out with something not penis related that just floors you. I guess it's not surprising that people drag their friends to the strip club during a rough period in their life.
From a lovely older gentleman who was gifted a lap dance with me from a friend, asking me to cheer him up.
“I was molested as a child and now I’m terrible at relationships.”
“I have erectile dysfunction”
“I suffer from micropenis”
…Yes, I know, a lot of these are about dicks. It would seem that when there's something wrong with them, guys need to find a way to make themselves feel better. But sometimes, someone busts out with something not penis related that just floors you. I guess it's not surprising that people drag their friends to the strip club during a rough period in their life.
From a lovely older gentleman who was gifted a lap dance with me from a friend, asking me to cheer him up.
“My wife left me two weeks ago. I was staying with my best friend on [farm] and
we were caught in the [nearby natural disaster] that happened last week. I almost died.
They still haven’t recovered his body.”
He then started crying and the rest of the lap dance literally turned into a hug. I also went way over time, because the poor dude clearly needed it. He still had bruises and tape residue from the cannulas.
He then started crying and the rest of the lap dance literally turned into a hug. I also went way over time, because the poor dude clearly needed it. He still had bruises and tape residue from the cannulas.
Sometimes, it can be heart breakingly sweet and sad. Like
another lovely gentleman who was approaching his 60th. His friends
paid for him to have half an hour with me, as it was clear he was not going to
get a dance of his own free will, despite his attraction to me. Throughout the dance, he kept asking me if it
was actually OK to look at me ‘down there’. Assuring him it was, he kept
staring at my vulva in disbelief as though it were Baby Jesus in raptor form. Eventually he
told me it was beautiful and explained that he’d saved his virginity until he got married. His wife was shy and self conscious about her body, so he’d never seen
a vulva in real life before, and hadn’t had sex since he turned 40. I seriously
considered this lap dance a community service.
As a student paramedic, I’ve already heard similarly messed up
things on placement. It's hardly surprising and people expect it of this job.
From a domestic violence call out, a
woman with minor injuries blurted out that this was a terrible week. Not only
had she just broken up with her boyfriend, but a family member had sexually
assaulted her daughter the week before.
Asking about previous history:
“Yes. I had surgery last month to repair a rectal tear that happened when I was raped. I’m still taking [drugs].”
“Yes. I had surgery last month to repair a rectal tear that happened when I was raped. I’m still taking [drugs].”
From an old man having a heart attack.
“My wife and I – we hate each other. She has cheated on me the entire time we have been married. But now we are old and we are used to each other, so there’s no point getting a divorce.”
This was followed with advice to always be faithful or break up. It's surprising how many times I've heard lines like this from the elderly, although my favourite to date was the gentleman who told us the only thing he's allergic to is his ex wives.
As a student paramedic, sometimes I treat the people who created the victims. I still have to be professional with them. Although as a stripper, when a loudmouthed drunk starts telling me mid lap dance about his ex girlfriend who claims he raped her, but he totally didn't because she was "asking for it" when she came to his place, I do have the choice of telling him off. Unfortunately, that's bad business sense. Dilemma much?
“My wife and I – we hate each other. She has cheated on me the entire time we have been married. But now we are old and we are used to each other, so there’s no point getting a divorce.”
This was followed with advice to always be faithful or break up. It's surprising how many times I've heard lines like this from the elderly, although my favourite to date was the gentleman who told us the only thing he's allergic to is his ex wives.
As a student paramedic, sometimes I treat the people who created the victims. I still have to be professional with them. Although as a stripper, when a loudmouthed drunk starts telling me mid lap dance about his ex girlfriend who claims he raped her, but he totally didn't because she was "asking for it" when she came to his place, I do have the choice of telling him off. Unfortunately, that's bad business sense. Dilemma much?
With time, I'm going to hear more secrets. Some of them are going to be even more messed up, and not all of them are the secrets of victims. No matter what someone tells me, I have to maintain their standard of care.
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